I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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