wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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