everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
