this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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