im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
