And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
