Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
