1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
