Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
