he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
