kristin has been a bad kristin
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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