What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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