Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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