At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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