so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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