I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if only i could text you this smell
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
