That's when you crack a 10am beer
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
