There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't deserve a penis
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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