Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
