so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
