kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
