It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
