I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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