just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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