I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
