people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
