My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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