So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
