i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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