We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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