just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
