Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
