he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
