A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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