I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
