i already hear my dad disowning me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
