i permit you to call me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
