So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
