The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
