I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
