I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
