I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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