I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
