This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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