Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
