So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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