im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
