you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
