i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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