I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
