I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
