Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
