i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
